I’d been anticipating this situation for months. As we all know, expectations often don’t match with reality. Sometimes, things work out quite differently.

Over the weekend, my social club thew a party, celebrating the imminent return of warmer weather. Spring arrived, with Memorial Day only a handful of weekends away. Lounge chairs sat in neat stacks by the pool, waiting to hold the bodies of sunbathers. Tables lined the decks, waiting for picnics under the canopy of trees. Volunteers blew last autumn’s leaves into the woods. The bright green grass began to sport more than a few dandelions. Next thing you know, everyone would be splashing in the pool. After a miserable winter, why not cheer on the season of summer fun and welcome everyone back?

Rain threatened to spoil our good time, so it was thought best to hold the party in the clubhouse. After filling my plate with assorted potluck offerings, I took a seat next to a few summer poker league pals. We caught up on our winters as we chewed on Swedish meatballs and vegetable focaccia. So here I am, laughing at a particularly embarrassing moment when I blew a large bet on a hand I shouldn’t have played, when a quick glance out the window revealed what I’d hoped I wouldn’t see.

Glamour Man was joining in on the fun.

Oh God, why? Of course, he’s a member of this club too. After I ended it with him last summer, after hearing his wife’s voice in the background of a phone call he thought he’d ended, after he told me he was divorcing her, after realizing he’d been lying to me the whole time, I expected this day to come. He sauntered up the sidewalk, looking as good as he always did. He’s not the most handsome man in the world, but he’s got that certain something that pitter-pats my heart. As it did now.

Since I was hungry, I kept eating. Why let a failed romance ruin a good appetite? The flow of chatter continued. GM stood at the entrance. Through my peripheral vision I could detect he’d remained there. I fought the temptation to look. I felt his glance deliver a sharp poke to my senses. Perhaps he’d thought I’d spot him standing there, eager to make eye contact.

My poker pals finished their meals and so did I. Had a very strong urge to sample some of that carrot cake a member had thoughtfully brought. I slanted a peek toward the door. GM was gone. Good. Time to escape into the kitchen and snag a slice before it disappeared.

So that’s where he’d gone to. Glamour Man stood between me and my dessert.

As I threw my paper plate in the trash, I hoped to slink past him. His back faced me. Should be easy. He chatted with that one member who won’t stop talking, even though the conversation ended. Whew! That carrot cake beckoned me, its sour cream and chocolate chip-laden icing practically melting in my mouth. Only a few more steps….

“I recognize that face,” GM said, his face beaming. He turned to me, bowing slightly.

What do I say? What could I possibly say? Well, lots actually. Perhaps this is the moment both of us expected, with entirely different outcomes. Mine usually consisted of some form of swearing and violence. And then, another voice, seconds later, called out to me.

“Hey Shelley, can I talk to you a minute?” Godsend. Michelle, another poker pal, tapped on my arm. Whew. Saved by the bell.

GM kept his body angled toward mine, though his gaze returned to the talker. Was he eavesdropping? It seemed the talker strangled GM with endless babble. Perhaps GM hoped I was his exit strategy. My gaze cemented on Michelle’s. Her husband offered to reach out to his network to help me secure a job. Wanted to set something up so we could talk. We moved a fair distance away from GM, but still within proximity. He glanced over his shoulder. Noticed I moved. Talker kept on going, and GM seemingly had no incentive to excuse himself, come over and speak to me. Nor did I give him any sort of encouragement. Why should I?

After Michelle and I arranged a get-together, a close friend of mine appeared. Rick threw his arms wide and said, “Put ‘er there!” He gave me a warm hug, the kind that says my friendship is valued. His father-in-law died recently, and I almost came to the funeral. A mild case of covid prevented me from going. He told me how much his wife appreciated the card I sent. He nodded toward GM, giving me a knowing look.

“Yeah,” I said. “And no, I haven’t said anything to him.” I recapped the brief encounter. Then we got on to discussing the siding debacle that inflicted his recently-acquired vintage Cape Cod. Rick’s vivid description of how the contractor nearly installed a horrid shade of green instead of the earthy brown tone he and his wife ordered cracked me up.

Not long after, I slid a glance in GM’s direction. He left.

For a moment, I felt a tinge of disappointment. Not sadness from a failed romance, but more like I’d hoped he’d share some words of regret. That he’d tap me on the shoulder and say he wanted to speak to me. That he realized he did something stupid. That he was sorry he led me on, that after some life-impacting losses he suffered he made a few unwise choices.

GM didn’t, nor will I ever expect him to. If anything I’ve learned over the years, if someone really wants to speak to you, they do, regardless of obstacles. I might be completely wrong, but he just doesn’t care enough about me to right things. He’s always had a very high opinion of himself. Is this a person I really want in my life?

Later, as I drove home, GM once more crept into my thoughts. Indifference washed over me. This time last year, I ached for him. Now, I see through him. He showed me who he really is, a man whose charm and charisma lured many a woman to his side. After all I’ve been through, I can’t see the benefit of allowing him to become part of my life. I’d be in for a lot of grief, frustration. Who needs that? I get enough of that just trying to snag a few interviews, or perhaps even a job.

What I did learn is that I have friends who really showed me the love I deserve. While it might not be of the romantic sort just yet, it’s of the loving kinship of friendship. It’s the bridge that spans rivers of disappointment, loss, joy, trust and so much more. I’m ever grateful to be surrounded by the people who’ve taken me into their fold. For it’s during times like this that I can count on their support, and not waste my time on someone who expects the world to sing his praises.

I might not have much money, but I’m fortunate to have a wealth of friends.